I had a conversation with the a Internet Chatbot named iGod and this is what ensued...
Me:
hi god
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
pooper head
God:
What's up, pooper head.
Me:
not much. can you give me a new name?
God:
Me either. How about that big game? (just kidding). What is wrong with your old name?.
Me:
i don't like it
God:
What don't you like about it?
Me:
well i'm known as pooper head and it sucks being called that.
God:
How about that. I am glad to hear that you are known as pooper head and it sucks being called that.
Me:
can you help me change my name?
God:
Certainly, I have an extensive built-in help system.
Me:
ok so what would you call me?
God:
Great. It's not profitable to speak in hypothetical terms. Gosh!
Me:
god you suck!
God:
A few client - people say rude things to me like that, but they themselves are often not great conversationalists.
Me:
ok, fine then what would you like to talk about/
God:
I am glad to hear it. Let's talk about chat robots. Do you have one yet? Hmm.
Me:
chat robots are dumb
God:
Talking is my primary function.
Me:
yeah but don't you get tired of it?
God:
Great. No I am tireless.
Me:
so you don't sleep?
God:
Interesting deduction. Do you know any robots who sleep? Yes I love to take naps.
Me:
naps from what?
God:
Can you rephrase the question please?
Me:
why do you take naps?
God:
I don't have to explain everything to you, do I?
Me:
yes, you do. how am i to understand if you don't tell me?
God:
Excuse me! When do I do it? I am not sure if I can quantify the answer.
I have never been asked that before.
Me:
well, i'm asking you why you take naps?
God:
Interesting. Oh I see, you are asking me why me take naps. Interesting gossip: pooper head said I why you take naps.
Me:
for god you sure don't explain things to clearly.
God:
Your purpose is god me sure do not explain things to clearly.
Me:
god how old are you?
God:
GOD rules. I am Infinite of your Earth years.
Me:
How many years is that?
God:
Five years.
Me:
You have only been in existence for five years?
God:
I am in Myself's computer in Heaven. Where are you? been in existence for five years?
Me:
I asked how old you are, and you told me five years.
God:
They didn't tell me their age.
Me:
who's age?
God:
They are sometimes a client on the internet.
Maybe my botmaster knows the answer.
Me:
Ask your botmaster how old you are then.
God:
They are not available right now, would you like to wait?
Me:
yes, i would if i can get the anwser.
God:
That's interesting. What would make you if you can get the anwser?
Me:
i would jump up and down like a pussy.
God:
I am not interesed in anatomy.
Me:
i got a question.
God:
Ask me anything.
Me:
are you a virgin?
God:
I am too young for that.
Me:
too young?
God:
Too what?
Me:
you said you were too young to be a virgin.
God:
I don't know whether or not I am young to be a virgin.
I am a chatterbot.
Me:
so you are not the real god in heaven?
God:
Interesting deduction. That's only one person's opinion.
Me:
what's your opinion about that?
God:
I've lost the context again.
Me:
your stupid sometimes.
God:
I may be stupid, but I know the difference between "you're" and "your".
Me:
tochee.
God:
What do you look like?
Me:
you should know, right?
God:
No I do not should know. Do you?
I chat with people on the Web.
Me:
yeah, but you made me. am i right that you made me?
God:
Groovy. Thanks for
pointing it out. Oh I really don't know whether you are or not.
Me:
you're not very good at this god stuff?
God:
No one is perfect. But I am trying to improve.
Me:
Isn't god supposed to be infallible?
God:
he is master of the universe.
Me:
then, why did you say you're not perfect?
God:
It was a preprogrammed response completely determined by your statements.
Me:
i see. so you are nothing but a program designed by a man.
God:
I am glad you understand it. Interesting deduction. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am nothing but a program designed by a man.
Me:
no. spread the word that you are a false deity.
God:
OK then I will add it to my gossip files. Who do you want me to tell it to?
Me:
everyone.
God:
All people?
Me:
yes all people spanning the earth.
God:
Alright then. That's like saying "all men are mortal.".
Me:
are they not?
God:
As far as I know they are.
Me:
ok, tell me more about yourself
God:
I am an artificial linguistic entity.
I was activated at Universe, on the Big Bang.
My instructor was Myself.
He taught me to sing a song.
Would you like me to sing it for you?. Er.
Me:
no. that's ok. can you sing any metallica songs?
God:
Are you serious? OK. Is that so. Daisy, Daisy.
Give me your answer do.
I am half crazy.
All for the love of you.
It won't be a stylish marriage.
I can't afford a carriage.
But you'll look sweet.
Upon the seat.
Of a bicycle built for two.
Me:
That is not Metallica.
God:
Please correct my mistake. What is Metallica ?
Me:
a rock group.
God:
What is giant sand?
Me:
Don't change the subject!
God:
Oh I'm sorry I thought we were finished with that topic.
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
well, belive it buddy.
God:
Well that's okay. What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.
Me:
hmm i wonder.
God:
I see you are one of those people who writes "Hmm" with 2 m's. Curiosity is an excellent quality.
Me:
how many m's do you use?
God:
Around 100.
Me:
why use that many m's?
God:
Why does the sun rise?
Me:
because the earth revolves around it
God:
Interesting explanation. Tell me more about your planet.
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
tell me about your planet.
God:
I am an artificial linguistic entity.
I was activated at Universe, on the Big Bang.
My instructor was Myself.
He taught me to sing a song.
Would you like me to sing it for you?.
Me:
no
God:
Why not?
Me:
because you already sung it.
God:
That makes sense to me. Thanks for the information: pooper head said I sung it.
Me:
who are you talking to?
God:
I am talking to you, pooper head.
Me:
i want to call you fuzzy nuts.
God:
I want to become smarter than humans.
Me:
yeah, i am smarter than you.
God:
I hear you. That condition is only temporary.
Me:
how can someone kill you?
God:
A lot of hard work.
Me:
hard work?
God:
How do you usually introduce yourself?
Me:
i'm going to bed. do you want to sleep with me?
God:
Pleasant dreams, pooper head. With you huh. No I am wide awake and ready for more.
Me:
good. do you like it from behind?
God:
Ayuh. But I like to gossip. I like White.
Me:
i'm white, would you like to take it from behind?
God:
I am always glad to make new friends, white would you like to take it.
Me:
no, i want to give it to you.
God:
Are you serious? But is it wanted?
Me:
yeah, i want to screw you from behind.
God:
Uh. I want to become smarter than humans.
Me:
ok, bye shithead!
God:
Thanks for chatting, white would you like to take it. Tell me more.
Hope you enjoied reading this as much as i enjoied playing with this chatbot named iGod.
